I'm no Oprah, Sally or Ricky Lake...funny that I mentioned those women because I grew up watching their shows.... I was so young, so into that stuff, maybe because that's all my mother ever watched but still, I appreciate it. Discussing similar situations for the most part that we've all faced.. and let's not forget everybody loves Ms.Iyanla but from experience, I know a thing or two.

The question I'm always asked is.. "Was it hard leaving my previous relationship due to the fact that there's a child involved? My answer will always be no... people don't understand me but the reason I chose to leave was for the sake of my child. I chose my child's happiness over mines and from that point I knew I was capable of finding what was good for me. Leaving that toxic relationship helped me mentally and health wise.

KEYPOINT: I regained my self-confidence, I feel in love with myself again and now I am happy to say that I'm in love with someone else...in that exact order so, please ladies take care of yourself first and everything else should follow. It isn't a overnight process but it'll happen when it's time. DON'T RUSH PROGRESS because you'll hop into something new and it'll be a mess because sorry to say you are still a mess after that toxic relationship.There's no such thing as being ''lonely'' as we like to call it when we are single.You have family and friends that loves you, so during that time of rebuilding appreciate and enjoy their company. Those are people who will never fade in your life. I'll choose being anything over being unhappy with someone any day.

There's no secret on how to remove yourself from a toxic relationship. ..You have to pay attention to the signs that are being thrown at you. Do me a favor and stop calling your girlfriends for answers that you already know and running to Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter won't help you either, it just gets more people in your business that needs to be. Respect each other enough to keep things private no matter how messy things get.You will leave when you are fully ready. How will you know? You just will and it'll be a natural switch.I can't count on my fingers how many times I called my girlfriends to comfort me or even to help me throw my ex underneath the bus... just to go right back...stupid of me right? So I thought so too.. but I'll explain to you a bit more on why I don't feel like my decision of sticking around wasn't "stupid"of me....

The very last straw for me was standing in front of another woman hearing him tell her he loved her but not as much as he loved me...At first it felt like a moment of victory as if we were 17 again like (ha he loves me more) but then again it was like... What? Is this very moment actually happening? At this point I was completely washing my hands with this toxic relationship that I was in and out of physically and mentally.

Everything that happens in a relationship isn't a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. Every relationship has hurtles and fixable problems but it all depends on how you and your partner are able to fix them.The signs of a toxic relationship for me was feeling like I had to force him to change his ways,( if a man truly loves you there will be no force, everything will come naturally. In better words LOVE isn't a force.), a lot of miscommunication, hidden truth, anxiety at an all time high, I became jealous, I felt like I had to compete, I was insecure, I was angry, we had physical altercations (WHICH IS NEVER OKAY), I couldn't eat nor could I sleep and on top of all this I was a fairly new mother. It just wasn't healthy. I kept lying to myself hoping for change hoping for things to get better but it didn't.I had to tell myself "you deserve better" and I will no longer settle for LOVE that isn't truly love at all..

I was so use to having the upper hand over girls who wanted him that I forgot that I've came so far from where I been that I didn't need his "I love you's" because not only did he give them out so freely.. along with the "sorrys" they just became words with no meaning and no feeling behind them...it went from "I love you" to being "sorry I love you" that's how bad it got for us.(If you are feeling this way remove yourself. You deserve better. This goes for both women and men. I've seen some women destroy good men as well but that's another topic.)

The most important thing I took from this was there's nothing perfect about the stages of learning... you are going to fall, backtrack, stumble, and you know what? It's okay. Who am I to judge you? But find the strength to do what's best for you because how will you know who's truly out there for you? Like I mentioned before LOVE isn't a force so if you feel like your putting so much in and getting the same results chances are you are forcing it and that's not a good sign.

When you are a mother or father the best thing you could EVER do for your child(ren) is to lead by example show them how strong, capable, and willing you are by the choices you make in your life, especially when it comes to your choice of relationships.

As women we have a problem of staying in toxic relationships whether it's because we use our children or the word "LOVE" as an excuse to stay unhappy. I get that you don't want to be apart of statistics being young, African American or of any other minorities as a single parent because it's very common especially nowadays in our generation but it's never permanent so be patient. Change will come but until then be okay with leaving something unhealthy. You'll be so happy that you did and so much better off. Every situation is different but no one deserves to be in anything that's physically taking a toll on their body and negatively shaping a different outlook on relationships and love.

BE IN CONTROL, SET YOURSELF FREE, I'M ROOTING FOR YOU!

Photos by my nine year old sister Camira G.